Svadbar time!

11:30 10 October 2009

Yesterday I had a really great experience. I was invited to and attended a wedding of the brother of one of my students. While I didn’t know him personally, it was still a lot of fun to attend a wedding, and I was the only non-Kyrgyz person out of nearly 200 (there weren’t any Russians even!). The food was great, we danced the night away, and I felt more integrated than I ever had in this country, I was really treated not as an outsider but as a member of the family. What a great experience!

As with pretty much everything in Kyrgyzstan, it started well after it was supposed to; my invitation said to come at 17:00 to the café and I stood outside for a good 90 minutes before the wedding celebration actually started. While Kyrgyzstan is nominally Muslim and certainly there is a minority of religious Muslims here, wedding traditions seem to stem more from Western/Russian influences as the bride and groom come dressed in the western traditional tux and white bridal gown. There are definitely some marked differences between Western weddings and Kyrgyz ones however.

I think the world throughout weddings are known to be times of excellent and plentiful food- certainly Kyrgyzstan is no exception to this rule and the spread started with about six or seven salads, bread, borsok (Kyrgyz national fried dough), and the obligatory alcohol. This was followed eventually by a “first” dish of a Kazahk soup with beef and noodles and then the main dish of a beef stew with a beet salad, mashed potatoes, and rice. But no Kyrgyz gathering is complete without besh barmak, the national dish which consists of pretty much just meat and noodles and is eaten with hands. While everyone eats a little of this, everyone is already stuffed at this point so people take it more lightly and the more important aspect is that everyone takes home a huge chunk of boiled meat to eat over the next couple days (this is such an established tradition that the waiters and waitresses actually supply each of the guests with plastic bags to stuff full of meat, salad, bread, etc.)

One thing I found interesting about the wedding was the way the cake was served. I don’t know what the tradition comes from, but instead of everyone getting cake, the different tables try and outbid each other to get one of two hunks of cake. Once the auction is over, the money (which at the wedding reached 2,000 som- about $50 and more than a teacher’s salary for a month) is given to the new couple in exchange for the cake- every one else goes hungry… (Not that that is possible given the rest of the food)

Given that I was with several of my students, I was careful to limit my alcohol consumption (I’ve become pretty good at resisting the huge amount of societal pressure when I want to) but that didn’t prevent me from having a lot of fun doing things other than eating. Given the mostly secular nature of most Kyrgyz, the biggest official moment was when the couple both signed the state marriage contract, something very different and much more official and divorced from the love aspect of the marriage, no kiss, no “I do’s”. But regardless, following this there was a lot of dancing, and different silly games played by everyone in attendance. One thing I have noticed about Kyrgyz gatherings and parties is that they usually have to have a program which usually includes unusual activities and games and prizes. While I haven’t been to so many weddings in the States, parts of this one seemed more like a Bar Mitzvah than a wedding but maybe I’m just ignorant.

Throughout the entire night, each of the tables should make a toast to the new bride and groom, with a few representatives from each table getting up and speaking. Despite knowing the bride or groom, but being the only foreigner there, I was asked to give a toast, something which was nerve-racking but also rewarding after I gave it and felt that I did a good job. But, as I said, it was one of the most positive experiences in this country and really made me realize that I was integrated into this communicating more than I realized I was. That’s always a good feeling.